Better marriages via SEC Football brought to you by Mike Hamilton
You have got. to. be. kidding.
You realize what you have done Mike?
Do you realize what you have wrought upon me and mine?
Buffalo is my wife’s alumni.
Should we lose this game I will be forced to move out of my farkin house!
For almost six years she has put up with my orange and white office. The pompoms on the wall. The pictures of Smokey and Neyland Stadium. The autographs. The Knoxville Sentinel football comic comic prints. The annual trips to Knoxville. The Saturdays of me jumping and screaming at the TV and sobbing on the floor in front of it. The PS3 and Xbox360 Dynasties I have built through EA Sports, and my continual playing of Rocky Top. Don’t forget six years of dressing up my truck in Tennessee Volunteer magnets and flags even though we live in Missouri and are less than 30 minutes from the University of Arkansas.
Mike Hamilton you have opened Pandora’s box. You have unlocked the gates and sent Cerberus home to bed with his tail between his legs.
Seeing as there is absolutely no other sane rational reason for this schedule change, I can only see one solution: Your doing this to punish me, personally.
It’s over the Fulmer thing isn’t it? I said you made a huge mistake bringing in Lane Kiffin, I was proven right and now your punishing me?
This isn’t funny, Mike. Stop laughing.
For one day, my house will be civil war with my daughter standing in the middle wondering what in the world is going on. Because while my wife is a MAC Conference Alumni, she has lived with me long enough to become SEC dedicated.
Dear gawd do you know what that even means, Mike?
Have you ever lived with a woman who was proven right, Mike?
Do you know what its like?
Every waking hour of my day our loss will be reported to me in great detail. She’ll call me at weird hours and all I will hear is her maniacal laughter after she tells me the score of the game. I’ll go in to depression. Lose my job. Become an alcoholic. Become homeless.
She will track me down in my shelter and sharpie the score on my forehead, Mike!
We better win. We better beat the bovine feces out of them.
Because if we lose Mike?
I’m moving in with you!
Incoming Communication